miércoles, 8 de junio de 2011

Dear Diary

I'm feeling like a huge burden to my family and friends. Is that actually normal or something? I feel like I shouldn't talk to them about my problems any more because I bore them and because these problems are always the same.
Last friday night I went to a new disco for the very first time with my best friend, her boyfriend and a friend of his. The place is freaking AWESOME! The music, the people, the place itself, EVERYTHING. But my company didn't let me enjoy it. I was actually falling asleep on the couch we were sitting, because of course, the happy couple wanted to take a sit and do their thing. And I was left with this other guy, who, oh boy, was the worst company I could ever want! A totally boring dude, nothing to talk about at all! So I went downstairs and met lots of friends, I stayed with them and danced a little bit.
Anyway, my conclusion about last night is: never go out with a couple again, EVER. Or at least be sure to have other people to hang out with, because if you don't, you're gonna get so bored that you're gonna fall asleep on the couch while the DJ is playing REALLY high electronic music, and this is actually very sad.
Today I woke up and I told a friend via Facebook to go there friday 10th because we share lots of things when talking about discos, boys and whatever. So I really hope next time is gonna be much better. Anyway, I told her that, a "friend" of mine said something, doesn't matter what. And I remembered how much I liked this guy, but he never liked me back that way. So I entered his profile and saw he is in a relationship now,  not just a Facebook relationship, but a real one.
This guy has always been the worst example of a perfect man, especially because he liked ALL WOMEN, which made it pretty difficult to imagine him in a serious relationship. But he is now. HE, who loves party and promiscuous sex, is in a relationship, AND I, who wishes with all her heart to be loved by someone and love him back, am completly alone. I really need to meet new people, because now that I think about it, I don't even remember what it's like to date someone. I can't remember how to feel before the first date, during the first date, after the first date. And especially, I can't remember how does it feel to care about someone who also cares about you.
I think this is the saddest thing I've ever written. I can't believe I don't recall how to feel when a guy actually looks you in the eye and tells you "you look beautiful" and kisses you. My last date was in December with a sweet guy with whom I really felt good, I felt he cared about me, he cared about a sort of future, but he was much older than me, though. And I let him go. Not only that, but I was the one that told him I couldn't see him anymore. After him I haven't been even close to dating, even though I am ready to do it again now.

I think it's time for me to get seriously "back on the market".

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